A Christian's Tribute to the 44th President
Barack Hussein Obama Epiphanes was made the president of the United States on Tuesday.  And I was humbled to be able to behold the glory of that moment.

We saw, for one, the fulfillment of MLK, Jr.'s dream, when he said: "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the content of their character but by the color of their skin."  (Or was it the other way around?)  Finally, we whites have begun to embrace what is right.  Well, not exactly what is right, as the inaugural prayer showed us.  Racism is alive and well, and still works with its insidious wickedness to keep any minority from any position of power.  Obama's election was clearly a miracle brought about by God Himself, as God delivered the Israelites from bondage, so has God, in the miraculous coming of Barack Moses Obama, seen fit to deliver us.  We whites need to see that this is right and embrace it.

It is clear that though these naysayers in the "new media" imagined up many flaws, our faithful and honest media sources, always seeking to bring us clarity and truth, presented him as he is: impeccable character, a man for the people, seeking only what he knows is best for us, and speaking only the Truth.

These Limbaugh types have even dared to suggest that our new Confucius is possibly in error for running a campaign that is empty of content and based purely on hatred of Bush!  We know, though, that this is no flaw.  For part of the agenda of every Christian is to live in hatred of sin, and every other wicked thing that brings destruction upon the human race.  Was it wrong for Moses to speak ill of Pharaoh?  Was it wrong for Jesus to cast out the demons?  Will it be wrong when Jesus returns the third time to destroy his enemies by a new inauguration speech, like a sword from his mouth?  Of course not.

And, indeed, though our new Anointed One thanked Bush for holding the office these last eight years, it was obvious in his speech and in his first deeds that Bush is no friend of ours.  The Third Adam has already stormed the gates of Hades (Guantanamo Bay) and declared freedom for those who live in darkness.  Surely, such an act of selfless mercy, along with the ousting of the Enemy who would prey on our fears and drive us, like Anakin, to hatred and discord among the fellowship of humanity, will bring us lasting peace, a thousand years of joy and friendship among humanity under the loving reign of the new line of David (the Democrats).

His methods have been questioned by those who would spread hate and discord like George Mephistopheles (The "W" was upside down, by the way) Bush.  Consider his promises!  He will bring an end to this crippling 2nd Great Depression, brought on by "M" and his love of the rich.  After all, we all know that he brought Fannie Mae to the brink of collapse so that he could keep poor people from the dream of owning a home more expensive than they could afford.  We know that he and his friends at the oil companies sought war and pushed for higher gas prices so that we who have no money would be brought low.  Barack....oh Barack...he and those who stand with him sought, on the other hand, to bring these families homes beyond their dreams, to give them hope and a future.  They established these programs for the poor, and Bush made them go bankrupt because he hates poor people.

And he will continue.  I'm poor enough that, technically, I pay no taxes.  And, behold the glory of the Inspired: I am getting a tax cut!  Our Obama has made the square peg fit into the circular hole!  He has calmed the storm and walked upon that which would hold no one else.  We needn't worry about the deficit, nor about paying those whom he employs to do his wonderful deeds.  There are rich people among us.  Yes, these venomous exploiters of the poor will be brought to justice.  Not by the violent means of Stalin, who, though on the right track, yet missed the full vision of glory.  No, Obama will make these exploiters the exploited!  Oh, the poetic justice of one so wise!  They will be the source of our tax cuts.  They will pay!  And it couldn't have come at a better time.  I have been praying and crying out to God, for I almost had to put off to tomorrow what I want today for fear of going beyond my budget - maybe even....the horror!...having to get only a drink at Starbucks for $4 instead of a drink and a cookie for $7!!!!

Maybe you're questioning whether Obama HaMashiach is really this great.  Maybe you're a nasty, hateful naysayer, and you do not want such a sense of hope to fill this land of hardworking, selfless Americans.  Well, my prayer is that the Fairness Doctrine will be pushed through soon.  Blasphemy should not be tolerated in a world of peace and joy.  Did you not hear his moving Inaugural speech?!  Did you not see the tears of those who have seen this Light from Heaven?!  His speech, sounding exactly like any campaign speech he'd already given (this only shows how dedicated to the environment he is, he even recycled his compaign speeches!), was designed to help us to realize that we had made the right choice.  And further, that we must never become complacent.  Like the glorious French Revolution, like the painful but necessary Red October, we must carry this Revolution, no this Revelation, on throughout eternity.  And so, may His words be chiseled on new stone tablets, and may we set aside our worship of the golden elephant, giving our hearts, our minds, our ears to Him who is fully human, and yet clearly more.

Edit: I have just been reminded of the criticism regarding the expense of Obama's inauguration, and how the blasphemers have claimed inconsistency among the media.  For, they say, Bush was criticized for spending $50 million and no criticism has arisen regarding Obama spending $170 million.  But Judas also heaped criticism upon the woman who poured the expensive perfume on Jesus' feet.  Rush L. Iscariot, you who dare bring such criticism: know that such is necessary, for Obama can only be president for eight years, and while the Bridegroom is among us, we rejoice.